toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
