chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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