Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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