My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize