I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Floor bacon is actually really good
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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