before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
