Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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