something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
