I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
