Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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