so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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