KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Everything about him screamed your future.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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