too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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