My hand turned me down
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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