Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
