absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
