is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
