I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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