So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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