U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
