After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
