So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
