So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
