I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
