Why does Corona taste like a burp?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
you had me at cake vodka
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
