Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
