he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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