i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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