goodnight i made you a song goodbye
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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