You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Text me some of your sweat
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