Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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