Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
