I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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