How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
