My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
