I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
