Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
