ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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