Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize