I'm going to jail i love you
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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