No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
