Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
