Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize