if i died would you start the facebook group?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
