Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
