I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
