I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
