Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
