Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
