I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
