what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
