They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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