I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
