her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
