she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
