I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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