He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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