i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
