remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
