Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize