what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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