i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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