im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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