Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
