I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
